someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
