He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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