Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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