I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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