ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
