I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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