yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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