Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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