So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
