anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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