The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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