That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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