Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
