mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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