I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
