I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
