Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
