I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
