I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
