can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
