Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
