he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
