i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
