i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
