Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
