he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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