I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
