nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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