Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We had to coat check the pizza.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
