Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
