i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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