Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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