have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
