My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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