I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
