exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she peed on how many people?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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