someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
