the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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