I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
