I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
