I could make wine with my vomit
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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