I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
