I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
