Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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