You're so nebulous sometimes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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