when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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