I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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