somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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