Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
