Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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